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So, it’s been a very long couple of weeks here, with preparation for my teaching last weekend and prep for a teaching at Epic our college ministry at Riv. I listened to a sermon by Mark Driscoll last week that I sort of stole a part of and embellished a bit. He basically went through the chapters of Mark and showed how Jesus can’t be claimed by various groups. I added titles and, like I said, embellished slightly. Jesus is complex to say the least.

Jesus in the book of Mark:
Chapter 1
Street Preacher Jesus
V. 15 “The Kingdom of God is near, repent and believe the good news!”

Jesus is in Galilee and he is preaching “The kingdom of God is near, Repent.” He was basically one of those guys at the football games with the big signs saying “repent” he’s a street preacher that we all avoid.

Chapter 2
Sacrilegious Jesus
v. 24 “The Pharisees said to him, “Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?”

Ate the holy bread. And gave it to his friends.

Chapter 3
Bad Son Jesus
V. 33-35
“Who are my mother and brothers? He asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

He ignores his mom!

Chapter 4
Anti-Pantheist Jesus
V. 39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Rebukes the wind! The pantheists say that God is everything and God is in nature etc. But he yells at the wind!

Chapter 5
Anti-PETA Jesus
V. 13 He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The heard, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

He kills 2000 pigs! Hopefully he made some bacon. Bacon is good stuff.

So the animal rights activists have no claim on him.

Chapter 6
Offensive Jesus
V. 11 And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them.”

He tells the disciples to become street preachers and then if the town they are in doesn’t accept the message, give them the bird! (Well in reality, shake the dust off their sandals, but it’s the same basic idea).
Chapter 7
Name-Calling Jesus
V. 6 “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites…”

Calls the religious leader there, hypocrites.

Chapter 8
Handicapped Spitting Jesus
V. V. 23 “He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?”

What I mean by this is that Jesus spits on a blind guy! The guy didn’t even see it coming. You’d be thrown in prison today, even if the guy was healed.

Chapter 9.
Inpatient Jesus
V. 19 “…how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?”

He says, “How long do I have to put up with you?

Chapter 10
Anti-Prosperity Gospel Jesus
V. 21 “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

He tells the free market republican dude to sell all his stuff. So much for the prosperity Gospel.

Chapter 11
Grand Theft Auto Jesus
V. 3 “If anyone asks you, ‘why are you doing this?’ tell him, ‘The Lord needs it and will send it back here shortly.’”

He takes the dude’s ride (read: donkey)! “um Jesus needs it…”

Tree Killer Jesus
V. 14 “May no one ever eat fruit from you again!”

He cursed a tree that he didn’t like. And it died!

Business Leader Whipper
V. 15 “On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves.”

Whips all the Christian bookstore owners. Trashes Michael W. Smith Cds. Dumps TestaMINTS down the toilet.

Chapter 12
Intolerant Jesus
V. 9 (parable about the Pharisees) What then will the owner of the vineyard do? He will come and kill those tenants and give the vineyard to others.”

“you are going to hell…”

Chapter 13
Left Behind Jesus
V. 24 “But in those days, following that distress, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give it’s light; the stars will fall from the sky and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.”

Chapter 14
Annoying Jesus
V. 37, “Then he returned to his disciples and he found them sleeping. “Simon,” he said to Peter, “are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour?”

He is the annoyig guy in college who keeps you awake the night before your test.

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I’ve had a whole lot of people email me about the forgiveness video. You can view and download it here.

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Well, the weekend if finally over. I taught the second in a 4 part series call the Post Secret Project. We had people send in secrets and Noel and I based our messages on the needs that we saw in those secrets. Noel is on for the next two weeks, if you are around, it’s going to be really good.

If you weren’t able to catch my teaching this past weekend. You can listen to it here.

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